Get Your Fanny On

Getting ready for a  music festival is tough.

From booking an Airbnb, dancing around your room, booking that dreaded waxing appointment to trying to find three Instagram worthy outfits, it is a struggle to plan for festival season. Your head flurries with a seemingly endless list of what has to be done and ultimately daily life gets in the way and that lack of time time snaps you back to reality.

My entire life, I’ve been the mom of the group. That one friend who is always equipt with bandaids, Advil, and a mid day snack for any occasion. If you break down what a music festival is, the idea of being in a field for three days, surrounded by everything I am allergic to and girls in space buns who are not there mentally or physically, may not sound appealing to most. Yet last time I checked with Lizzo…even though you may be the paranoid mom of the group, you are 100% that bitch. So here is the go to guide to all the over prepared people in the back who want to make it out of festival season alive, only semi sunburnt and stunting with the one item that made them survive it all…the fanny.

#1. Get your fanny on!

The flower crown had a moment for years as the “go-to” item for festivals. It seemed as if tumblr girls nationally would unite at Michael’s, make intricate crowns, and called it a day. As the years went by, and as Vanessa Hudgens wasn’t the only one celebrating Coachella, it seemed as if festivals had a new perfect pairing; the fanny pack. Your mom may make fun of you for buying one, but we didn’t come to play this summer. Though they might be basic, a clear fanny pack not only helps you skip tedious investigations in back packs upon entrance, yet will also be the polishing touch to every outifit.

#2. Faker than some Sweet & Low

Music festivals are quite similar to Candy Land. A colourful utopia stuffed with fun, entertainment, and candies galore. Yet these candies are “special” sweets. You know what I mean. Molly, shrooms, dab pens, and L$D, the world seems to be your oyster at this modern board game. If you are going to take a dip into some candied fun, just make sure you are prepared with how to deal with the highs and awful lows of each substance. If you, or any of your festival friends, are taking ecstasy…bring a pack of sugar. I was in CPR training with a music festival paramedic and he divulged in tales of raves saying that the only way to come down from ecstasy fast is by putting a packet of sugar underneath your tongue and sucking on it for 10 minutes. So don’t take it from me, but take it from a health care professional.

#3. Cool it baby

For all the pasty ladies and gentlemen out there, surviving 72 hours in the sun is just as impossible as making it out of Love Island in a proper relationship. If you too struggle from those harsh rays, don’t rely solely on sunscreen, invest in a cooling towel. These bad boys look like regular towels, yet with a splash of water they turn into a safe, reusable, trendy, and long lasting way to prevent heat stroke.

#4. Hit the lytes

Selena Gomez taught me many things. 1) How to be a sassy wizard 2) that there is nothing wrong with hitting the lights (and letting the music move you). That second life lesson is very key, but unlike Selena I am not talking about electricity. I’m talking about ~electrolytes~. No, this is not something to call for Bill Nye, you too can fight off the feels with some electrolytes! In the slight chance that you or a friend may throw up a little, have no shame, just sip on some electrolytes to get the body moving again. It might be hard to find a Gatorade insight on festival grouds, so when in doubt invest in electrolyte packages.

#5. Refuel On the Go!

If you are going to be snap chatting the entire event (even though you told yourself you were going to live in the moment), make sure you don’t only have bandaids for blisters for those pics, but that you also have a portable charger to keep you juiced the entire day!

& lastly…

#6. Sunscreen and a bucket hat for the pasty queens

All in all, just make sure that you stay hydrated, lathered with sunscreen, and safe this festival season.


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