How To: Choose A Halloween Costume

There is a magical thing that happens once the clock ticks away on September 30th. Getting closer and closer to midnight. Then it happens. At 12pm sharp, it becomes the most WONDERFUL time of the year…*~-SpOoKy SeAsOon-~*

That’s right boys and girls, it is not FULLY acceptable to wear strictly oversized crewnecks, huff pumpkin candles, listen to only the classics (Thriller and the Monster Mash), stick to a strict candy corn diet, and bask in the glory of every single Tim Burton movie known to man. You might be thinking, “hold up…there is a solid month left until Halloween, let’s slow it down a little”. That’s where you are wrong. There is a shit ton of preparation that goes into Halloween. Especially now that you are past the age of thirteen yet still under the age where you have to shell out candy in your pajamas trying to act surprised when you see the 40th Paw Patrol costume in the span of ten minutes. No no, this is a special time indeed. So when the clock strikes midnight and the air switches from humid to crisp, get ready, get spooky, and get ready for the hardest decision of your student life: “What should I be for Halloween?”

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For the past few weeks, you’ve had specially reserved plans for the 31st including a cozy blanket, Haunted Mansion, Coraline, and a pumpkin smelling candle. Many people would call this “anti-social” *scoff* They don’t get it. Basking in the glory of the spookiest of all seasons calls for being alone watching movies that make you question if your bedroom really is haunted. You start researching on Buzzfeed the top 10 movies to watch this Halloween, and mid scrolling through gifs of Jack Skellington, your phone buzzes.

“we’re going out Friday night”

oh god. oh no. 

In theory, you would not be missing the real Halloween night, but this was much more skin tingling than the 31st. This was something you’ve only heard about in movies, something you aimed to avoid at all costs. You’re heart rate increases, you break a sweat. OH god….not Halloweekend.

Halloweekend, a term created by millennials as an excuse to get wasted the entire weekend before (and in some cases after) the holiday usually associated with candy and fright. It is frightening indeed, as most teenagers and uni students are just as excited for the end of the month to black out and wear the most revealing of outfits. Usually ruining childhood characters, such as Santa, Bugs Bunny, or a cat and turning them slutty.

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You’ve never seen a problem with other people partaking in this two-night event. Until you start picturing yourself in it. Images of Mean Girls come flooding through, as you discover that your idea of a Halloween costume is decking out as Coraline in a blue wig and long raincoat, which doesn’t quite stick to the status quo of a skin-tight spandex red skirt and devil ears. Yet you have to admit, it would be kind of fun to try that out and go as someone completely different for the night.

With that idea in mind, you take to the one place where you know will provide you with the guidance needed in this case. You open your laptop and Pinterest pops up right as you needed it to.

In the past, you’ve tried to turn to YouTube for aid on a creative yet still cute costume, yet it seems to be all the exact same. A tutorial for how to be a cat, army girl, tomb raider, or cheetah. All classic costumes, yet none that catches the twinkle in your eyes.

You begin the hunt for a perfect costume by typing “Halloween costume woman”. The tag of “College” comes up as you send it away to the web and it seems to good to be true. FINALLY,  you can find a cute costume with some sort of variety!

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In a daze, you begin to scroll through the thousands of recommendations until you realize that they all fall under these two categories:

a) a group costume

b) you have not worked out in about a year and they are that one bit too tight in the area that you know will show off what stress eating has done to you

Ok….a group costume. That doesn’t seem to bad, does it? Slight issue…you don’t have a group to do it with. Ok ok, minor set back. How about a couples costume? You start having funny couples costume ideas flood in your head such as Shane Dawson and Jake Paul,  a moth and a light bulb, or Bugs and Lola Bunny from Space Jam. Right as you pick up your phone to tell your friends about the iconic idea, you realize something.

I don’t have a partner to do it with.

Sure, you could do this couple costume with a friend, yet they all have boyfriends who they are doing their own couple costume with. Fuck. You start to dissect each couple costume idea you’ve had to see if you can make a singles costume out of it. Nope. No luck.

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You shut off your computer in a bit of rage and continue throwing flaming hot Cheetos down your throat. Why is this so hard?! WHY can’t this be easy?!

As you continue eating your sorrows away, it hits you…why not be a meme?!

No not a meme, just something uber-relevant to pop culture today. A flaming hot cheetah? Emma Chamberlain (yet put blurring marks over a scrunchie and shirt)? Or EVEN that one vine of you nearly made me drop my croissant?!

Your entire meme career has been waiting for this one moment. Finding a way to turn a meme into a cute, slightly sexy, Halloween costume. The creative juices start flowing and sooner or later you find yourself adding 50 items to your cart at Forever 21.

This is going to be epic.

*two weeks later*

It is finally the week of Halloweekend. And believe it or not, but you are ecstatic. You’ve secured this costume in the BAG. You pat yourself on the back and start trying on your costume bopping to “This is Halloween” and “Thriller” even though it is a solid three days before the big event and you still have an essay worth 25% of your grade to start and finish in the meantime. As you dance alone in your room, you get another idea. And another one. All of a sudden you have fifty Halloween costume ideas flood through your mind and after spending all this money, you realize that you have a billion costumes you could have created out of your closet.

You begin to question humanity itself. You take 50 pictures of each outfit in every angle to show your friends and get their opinions. They tell you to do the one that is that one-bit form fitting, yet as you have it on it just doesn’t feel right.

You stare at yourself in the mirror. What am I doing? This isn’t me?!

Deep down inside, you knew from the start. You’ve always known. You thank your friends for the kind feedback yet tell them that you have your heart set on something else.

You choose that costume, put it on, look at yourself in the mirror and say “Fuck yes, I love myself”.

….until you get to the party and realize that you are not so original after all and there are at least 5 other people in the same costume. *but that’s a different story*


HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 

I haven’t put out a post in ages and thought how fitting would it be that I write one about my favourite holiday?!

I just wanted to write this to prove to everyone that despite the fear of not sticking in, be who you want to be and dress how you want to for Halloween. If you want to wear that one pair of jeans that fits your butt just right or that body suit that makes you feel like a  queen…why NOT do it?!

Have fun with your costume! Trust me, you will have an amazing time.

So stay safe and have an amazing night,

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