How to Instagram

*wakes up to perfect lighting entering window*

It’s a sign it must be! It’s a sign to take the perfect selfie

When Instagram started to most people it was fun and games…but now the tables have turned. You want to show people how cool you are (by posting hang out pics/going anywhere that is outside of your house), yet you need to let the pictures have space in between and many filters to boot. The app meant for “Look what I’m doing while you are home alone” has now turned into an Art . No I am not a pro, but this is my guide of stages to Instagram.

 

Selfie Edition

Stage #1: The photo

After so much prep, you got the perfect selfie. Not even going to make a joke about selfies because man, it’s pretty tough. You look in the mirror and see a flawless reflection (that you are) and look at the front camera and all you see is this

donald-trump-has-surged-to-the-top-of-2-new-2016-polls

I am so sorry no one will ever look this bad. Can we just take a moment of silence. Anyway you see a god awful picture and think “how did I get from point A to point B?!”

*30 minutes and 2000 selfies later you finally get some good ones*

Out of 2000 pictures you have 5 good ones. A perfect amount. Then comes the hardest part of it all….

Stage #2: The filters

Filters can make or brake artsy Instagram so choose wisely if you want to seem like you are all artsy and mysterious. Per each 5 pictures you try at least 3-4 filters. Of course they are all from VSCO cam because organisation is key.

Stage #3: True Friends

Dear Miley Cyrus,

You did not mention true friends that help choose a picture or send you notes for a test in your song “True Friend”, but to me, those are the friends that you can rely on the most.

It’s getting tougher to decide so you turn to the artsiest friend you can possibly think of (because if theirs looks good your ofc will too). You send them all 5 pictures will all 5 filters and of course they choose that one; the one you hate the most. Great. I thought I could trust you, but now I don’t even know anymore.

Stage #4: Denial

So there you are, sitting glaring at your screen. You cannot stop thinking about how useless this whole scenario has been. Yet you still yearn for the selfie.

Stage #5: The turning point

After leaving your phone for a few hours, you have decided; the ugly one that my friend picked. Then you look down at your watch. Damn. It is 5pm, you have to wait 3 more hours before posting. Why? Because 8pm is the prime time to post a picture, everyone knows that!

The final stage: Posting

You make sure everything is perfect then you face a life or death situation; What should my caption be? By this time you are so done with this selfie and just put the most basic emoji as your caption because god only know you want to just post it and watch the likes roll in.

The end result:

You may get 200 likes or so, but after 1-2 weeks you delete the picture. Why? Well because you never liked it from the beginning, it was all for the feed. What a sad way to post. I used to go by this way; posting once every 2 weeks to keep it looking good but now I quit. I make it look good for myself not as a chore. I realized something quite funny the other day, no one really posts for their own happiness anymore. Wasn’t that supposed to be part of the joy of the app?

I feel that you should always do what makes you happy no matter what. That’s why I started this. And if every filter or touch up on a meaning less picture doesn’t make you happy then I say think twice about posting it. When I look back at my Instagram in 5 years when it may be gone as a fad, I want to see a happy teenager who demonstrated what she loved most, not a basic all orange feed. Even through all the beautiful pictures I will be able to see deep down a girl who was forcing herself to do something she did not really want to do. To me that is as sad as it gets.

I hope you enjoyed that! If you want more about Instagram comment down below (I will do every Instagram edition because it is so fun) or any recommendations what so ever:)

Thanks!

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3 thoughts on “How to Instagram

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